Monday, February 16, 2009



So,'s been a while. Too long.

Last August, I decided I needed to take a break from blogging on a regular basis, because frankly I was running out of things to talk about. (Things that really mattered, I mean). I meant to take a short break, but as always seems to be the case, life got in the way and the next thing I know it has been nearly six months since I have posted. Six Months! I used to update this blog every couple of days, and now six months have gone is that possible?

Well, for starters, when I started blogging back in 2003 (yes, that long ago), there was a real point to it. I began blogging, at a dear friend's suggestion, as a way to try to cope with something painful I was going through at that time. My husband and I were struggling with infertility, and feeling all alone in what seemed like a world full of happy pregnant couples. Blogging became an outlet for me. I soon discovered many, many other bloggers out there (women AND men) that had devoted their own blogs to tell their stories of infertility and the quest to have a baby. I felt like I had found my own little place in the world...a place to be justified in my anger and sadness, and a place to share my own story and my every up-and-down during our quest. Again, there was a point to blogging back then.

Early in 2005, we found ourselves miraculously pregnant from an improbable final attempt at IVF, and much to our surprise as well as our clinic's, the pregnancy "took." My blog took on a new life, as I was able to share my journey of being pregnant finally after over three painful years of failure. I followed the stories of the internet blogging friends I had made, and we all compared notes as some, like me, had successful IVF cycles, and some acheived parenthood through other avenues, such as adoption. Their stories helped me, and I hope my own story was encouraging to others out there still struggling.

We had our beautiful baby girl, and my blog was reincarnated once again into what can only really be called a "Mommy-Blog." I don't think I had planned on being a mommy-blogger, but inevitably that was what happened. My "struggle" was over; the very reason I began blogging in the first place, so now there was little left to write about except the daily challenges of being a new mom.

So I continued along, through 2006, 2007, and the first half of 2008. But then, one day, I just stopped posting. I am still not sure exactly why I stopped, except that I think a big part of me felt that I had said all there was to say. My story had been told, and fortunately for me it had the happy ending I longed for. My very first post ever, from November 30, 2003, went something like this:

"Welcome to my blog, my name is Dawn. My husband Anthony and I have been trying to conceive our first child for 18 (or is it 19) months....since June of 2002. A friend of mine suggested that I create a blog to help me to sort through some of the emotions and difficulties and challenges I have experienced, and so I am giving it a shot."

That, in a nutshell, was my mission statement. A little over five years later, I can look back and emphatically say "mission accomplished" as I can hear my three year old snoring in her bed during afternoon naptime. A big part of me, I guess, felt as though there was little else to say, and therefore why keep posting?

But the truth is, strange as this may sound, I miss it. I miss posting. I miss my blog. Regardless of what my "story" may be these days, or whether I even have anything interesting to write about anymore, I still miss it. I stopped writing for fear that I might be boring my audience. But the truth is, writing this blog was never, EVER about entertaining anyone out there. It was never about an audience at all. Writing this blog was for me, and for me only. It was a way for me to cope, to vent, and to HEAL. If, along the way, people found my story interesting and kept up with my blog, well then that was great, but that was never WHY I did it.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, which is why I have decided it is time to write again. No offense, but I am not concerned with whether or not I have an audience, or whether or not said audience finds my blog boring or uninteresting. Blogging for me was always very personal and extremely therapeutic, and for that reason and that reason alone, I would really like to get back to it.

So...I'm starting again. I have no idea if this blog is going to be interesting, or if it is going to suck. I have no idea if I will have all my old readers back, or if I will be writing to an audience of one (myself). Regardless, I'm getting back into it, because no matter what, blogging was an incredibly helpful tool in my life over the past five years, and honestly I can use all the help I can get these days!

Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest. I look forward to posting more, and soon!