Monday, March 02, 2009


It is all slowly coming back to me, little by little. The OTHER reasons I stopped blogging last August. Other than the time factor, I was having trouble coming up with content.

And I am finding myself there again. And, it is NOT because I have nothing to write about, because I absolutely do. I've got volumes, in fact.

The problem is that need to self-censor. I kind of sort of hate that I have to think long and hard before I put my words 'out there'. But I do.

I'm not being very clear. Let me start again, from the beginning.

There was a time that I didn't care what I wrote on my blog, mainly because I was using this blog as a form of therapy to get through an extremely difficult time in my life. If I couldn't be 100% open and honest about what I was feeling and experiencing at the time, then why write?

And...let's be honest one was really reading my blog anyways! So did it MATTER how little (or how much) I put out there in cyber-space? Not really. Or so I felt at that time.

But of course, the truth is that it DID matter. It does matter. People do read, whether they stumble upon my blog on purpose or by accident. And while I might not mind being open and honest about my life, there are other people in my life who do mind.

Like my husband.

He and I in many ways are polar opposites. He is a very, very private person, and I am not. I will give a complete stranger every gory detail of my life, if they ask me about it. And when I happen to have a story that involves my husband, I rarely hold back the details that include him. And he has gotten upset with me about that, which is completely valid and fair. We just differ in this way, and many times in the past on this and my original blog, I didn't really take that into consideration at all. means less writing about my husband. Which actually limits my content tremendously. For example (without specific examples), my husband has gone through some very challenging things lately, and I would really like to write about them. They say bad things come in "three's" and if that is true than he should be in the clear from here on out. But starting in December up until as recently as early February, it has been one thing after another for him. Tough, tough stuff. The former blogging version of me would be telling you all about it, and how it has not only affected him but me as well. But the new blogger I am trying to be will respect his privacy and his boundaries, and leave it at that. Except to ask you to please wish better things for Anthony in the upcoming months, because he has really had more than his fair share of crap lately.

So we've established that I am not going to write about my husband, though he informed me that he STILL would like to do a guest-post at some point. I'm a little scared, I admit, to see what he will write!

I am not going to write about work, because that is never a good idea. Suffice it to say that work is good, I like my job, and I cross my fingers every single day that I will still have my job tomorrow.

That essentially leaves two things I can write about - the two things that I guess make the most sense since I have evolved from "infertile blogger" to "mommy blogger" - myself, and my daughter.

Going forward I am going to try to focus on sticking to those two subjects, but I will admit it is going to be tough for me. On the Amanda front, I have to say that she is a dream child, and I am not sure that a lot of moms out there really want to hear that? Sure, she is three years old, and sure, she can be a handful at times. But if I tell you that 95 percent of the time she is really well behaved, and that she still naps every day, and that she is still a fabulous sleeper at night time, and that she is just an all around easy-going child, will you all hate me? So I don't know how much I can delve into on the subject of Amanda without sounding like I am bragging.

So then that leaves the subject of "me"...

Believe it or not, I don't really like to brag. I'm much more comfortable putting myself down. I've always been big on self-deprication. Telling funny stories about how I have somehow managed to humiliate myself - this is where I excel when it comes to talking about myself. I have learned to be the butt of many a joke.

But these days things are going pretty well for me, and I've got a lot of positive things I can update you on. But how to do that without feeling like I am tooting my own horn? I'm not so sure. And I've got a big week coming up, which I will be sure to be writing about in the next couple of days (because I am equally excited and scared to death about the upcoming weekend).'ve been warned. Continue following my blog at your own risk.

I won't be writing about my job.
I won't be writing (much) about my husband (unless he really, REALLY pisses me off).
I will be writing about Amanda, and you might be envious of how good I have it when it comes to being her mom.
And I will be writing about myself, and I am afraid at times I might even sound about boastful. I apologize wholeheartedly in advance about this, but maybe (just maybe) this is what it is like to finally be truly content and happy with my life and with myself?

And if that is the case, I just need a little time to adjust, that's all.