Thursday, May 07, 2009


I am having a bit of an identity crisis these days.

I resumed blogging not long ago because I truly missed the opportunities it gave me to express myself and, more often than not, blow off a little steam. Sometimes, quite a bit of steam.

But just as suddenly as I resumed blogging, I seem to have stopped again. And it isn't because I am too busy, as has been my excuse in the past. I have stopped blogging because I am not sure how to do it anymore.

There was a time that that this blog was my therapy. My online diary, which I shared with the internet community but also didn't care what it was I put out there. I didn't hold back, or censor, or worry what people might think; I didn't care who in my real life might read it and get to know a bit more about me then they really ever needed to.

I'm not using my blog in that way anymore. And, I kind of need to be. And I am not sure when or why things changed, but they have. I miss the outlet that this blog used to be for me, but I have to make a conscious effort to use it that way again. And to do so will require a bit of courage on my part. Because it is going to mean putting myself out there again, and not everything I have to say right now is rosy or positive. And not everything I am feeling these days is going to be very popular with the audience (however small) I've got. And once I put it out there, it is out there. The good, the bad, and the ugly - once it is published, it is there for all to see. And worse, if people don't like what I have to say, they have every opportunity to let me know about it.

So...I need to decide who I am. Am I still a blogger, or have I moved on. If I am a blogger, then it is time for me to get writing again. If I am not, then it is time to buy a paper journal or something private. Either way, I really need to start writing again. Soon.