Friday, January 15, 2010


I've got the "ick." And I've got it bad.

I have had the ick before, in small doses. The ick comes and goes, and usually it is short and sweet in duration.

But this time the ick has settled over me like a dense fog that just won't lift. I've been blaming the post-holiday hangover. I've been blaming the new year. I've been blaming my job, my foot, my schedule. None of which are truly the source of the ick.

It occurred to me today what this ick is, that which has grabbed hold of me and won't let go. The ick is "thirty-nine".

I dreaded turning thirty-nine ever since the day I turned thirty. This is because I had SUCH a difficult time dealing with twenty-nine. Turning twenty-nine was about a billion times harder for me than turning thirty was. I don't know exactly why, it isn't really something I can put my finger on. Maybe it was the realization that I was never going to be "in my twenties" again. Or maybe it was that turning thirty seemed like such a big dread that twenty-nine was one giant year-long warm up. Whatever the reason, I was near meltdown level for the majority of my twenty-ninth year.

Based on that experience, I knew that thirty-nine, forty-nine, fifty-nine, etc. were all going to feel particularly harsh. And it suddenly dawned on me today that this is exactly what has been going on with me. I turned thirty-nine last month and have been staring the ick right in the face ever since. I am confronted by my very own mid-life crisis, and it is kind of bizarre.

I've considered doing some pretty weird shit lately. Stuff I would never consider doing, NEVER EVER before. Suddenly, these wild and wacky ideas sound appealing. It is almost as if turning 40 this year is upon me like a death sentence, and I have suddenly got this bucket list of items I need to complete in the next twelve months. It is insane, really, because I am overall a healthy person with (likely) a long life ahead of me. But I've come face to face with my own mortality or whatever, and suddenly I am pondering the ridiculous.

So...I was wondering if anyone wanted to share their own experiences in this area? You can simply leave a comment by completing the following sentence:

"You know you are having a midlife crisis when..."

I'm just curious to see if I am the only one feeling a little crazy right now.