Saturday, May 16, 2009


What is with me? Lack of sleep, perhaps? Ear infection? Just plain 'ole hormones?

Today, we went to a 4 year old birthday party with Amanda, where upon exiting she was given a helium balloon to take home. We were extremely careful to not lose grip on the balloon string as we walked in a stiff wind to the car. We got Amanda into her car seat and then handed her balloon to her, very carefully.

We needed to stop at my gym so I could save myself a spinning bike for tomorrow morning (Sunday morning's class is so popular that if I don't save myself a bike a day in advance then I need not bother showing up for class, as it will absolutely be full). I pulled into a parking space and was going to run in for a second, leaving Anthony and Amanda in the car to wait for me.

I opened the back door of the car to grab a towel and a bottled water to leave on my spinning bike. Completely oblivious to everything and anything going on around me, I gathered up what I needed.

Then I heard the little voice.


I looked up to see tears slowly starting to stream down Amanda's face. It was all she could do to not start bawling her eyes out.

"What Amanda? What happened? What's wrong?"

"Mommy, why did you let my balloon fly away?"

Horrified and in utter disbelief and panic, I looked skyward...and sure enough, far far away (much too far away to reach) was her blue balloon, disappearing into the atmosphere.

I looked back at her in shock. I was speechless. She started to REALLY cry.

And so did I.

I ran over to her side of the car and flung the door open. I grabbed her face and started to kiss her. "I'm so, so sorry honey. It was an accident. I didn't mean it!" We had matching tears. "Let's go get you a new balloon right now, okay?"

"Okay," she sniffled.

I looked at Anthony. "Did you see it brush past me?"

"I didn't see a thing," he said. And he was shaking his head.

"What?" I asked him.

"She's FINE," he chuckled. clearly, I overreacted. Her reaction was completely appropriate; there are two things that are hands-down beyond traumatic to a child. Dropping an ice cream cone on the ground is one of them; the other, is accidentally having a balloon fly away from them. She had every right to be sobbing.

Me on the other hand? It took me a full HOUR to compose myself. The guilt I felt just consumed me.

I'm going to assume it is just that I am over tired. And under the weather.

And, for the record, extremely thankful to Shaw's Grocery Store across the street from my gym for carrying very cool balloons.