Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I've been avoiding my blog. Like the plague.

Told myself I have writer's block. That I haven't been able to come here because I don't know what to say; I don't know what to write.

But, that is far from true. I have so much going on in my head that needs sorting out - SO MUCH. Coming here and putting my thoughts down in black and white has always been therapeutic. It is cathartic. And I need that right now, very much.

The main issue is that I don't know where to start. I can pretty much point to any aspect of my life right now and realize that I have a lot of work to do and a lot to fix. You name it, I am coming up short every which way I turn. And because I am feeling like I am, on some level, "failing" at everything, I don't know which THING to start with. Furthermore, I don't know what "thing" to start writing about.

As it is, I have been staring at the blank screen for over an hour now, and this is all I've got. I need to start writing again, but on some level I think I am afraid to. I know that once I open the floodgates, it is going to get a little crazy over here. What I have been pretending is writer's block is quickly going to become the opposite, and I going to be spewing words and posts on my tiny placeholder on the internet like a madwoman.

I need to stop avoiding this place, because this blog has always been good TO me and good FOR me. For six and a half years, my blog has been vital. To ignore it and avoid it now, when I am feeling so vulnerable and fragile, would be an enormous mistake.

I'll just need to go through my mental rolodex and start with one topic at a time, and maybe I'll get some of this clutter out of my brain. And that can only help.

At the very least, it will be a very good start.