Tuesday, February 21, 2012


So....here's a little story.

I'm a knitter. I've been knitting ever since I was a little girl. It is a part of me, it is part of who I am. I am proud of my knitting abilities and it is a gift I want to share with others.

One day, I decided that I wanted to knit a sweater for you. Not just "a" sweater, but the best possible sweater I could make. I want to give you a gift, because you are very special to me.

I jumped into my project with verve. I was working on it daily, happy with my progress and eager to share it. Finally, I told you what I was working on for you. You smiled, you thanked me, and you appeared to be genuinely grateful.

I told you I might need some help with it. And to that, you said "sure."

But...time went on, and I didn't get the help from you that I needed.

The progress was slowing down. I didn't have the same zeal when I worked on your sweater as I had in the beginning. My stitches weren't as neat as they were in the beginning, and often I would have to rip out entire rows at a time to start over again because it just wasn't coming out right.

I was frustrated. Making this sweater for you was not as much fun as it had been in the beginning. It was becoming work. It got tedious. Arduous. Painful.

I thought that maybe I would remind you that you said you would help me with your sweater. Once again, you agreed to help me.

But...time went on, and I didn't get the help from you that I needed.

Now I was procrastinating. I would see the half-completed sweater sitting in my craft bag and I would get angry. I was feeling a growing resentment towards you that I offered you such a special gift and all I asked for was a little bit of help in return, and you wouldn't give it. I got angry.

I started to hate knitting. It made my fingers cramp. When I accidentally stuck my finger with a needle, I cursed your name loudly. Knitting was a stupid hobby, anyways. I wondered why I was wasting my time making such a special sweater for someone who was so ungrateful. Someone who didn't appreciate my talent. Someone who didn't understand the time and effort and sacrifice I was making. Someone who seemed to have no respect for the time I was spending on this gift I was giving them.

I asked you one more time for some help. I shouted at you. I told you "this is too big of a project for me to handle by myself. You said you would help me and I am waiting, I am waiting for the help you promised to give me. Are you going to help me, or not?"

You shrugged and said "I'll try."

But...time went on, and I didn't get the help from you that I needed.

I lost all desire to work on your sweater. I was so excited at the beginning, but the excitement was gone. I would try to bring myself to work on another row, and I would get angry. I turned on myself and started with the self-hate and self-criticism. I'm a terrible knitter. Who was I to think that I could make a sweater for you, anyways? Why do I always take on more than I can handle? What, do I think I am special?

Looking at the unfinished sweater brought tears to my eyes. How could I be so stupid as to offer a sweater to someone as ungrateful as you, when you can't even be bothered to help me with it even the slightest bit? And why was I so stupid, to keep working on your sweater when you clearly don't care about it one bit?

Finally, I confront you about it. I am emotional and shouting and crying and saying the same things over and over to you. "You promised you would help me, and you didn't!" "I was trying to give you a gift, and you never appreciated the gesture." I'm crying and hurting and asking you over and over and over "Why? Why wouldn't you help me? Why???"

After a long, silent pause, you finally say to me:

"You keep asking me for help, but...I don't know how to knit. I'm not a knitter."