Friday, July 31, 2009


My gym is offering some new classes, in order to try to "shake up" people's routines. Change, especially in an exercise regimen, is a good thing - the body responds better when it isn't doing the exact same thing over and over.

As a part of these new classes, the gym is promoting this concept with posters all over the place that say "CHANGE." And when I took kickboxing last week, the instructor told us that we should all be filling out a "change" card which is to be posted on the door of the group exercise room, for all to see.

The change card is a commitment - a commitment to ones' self, in writing, to make at least one positive change in your life and see it through. The part that I found intriguing is that the instructor suggested that our change card have some goal OTHER than exercise or fitness.

I haven't filled my card out yet, because I have been mulling it over. What is it that I need to change in my life more than anything else? What is it that I am willing to commit to, to better myself?

As of two days ago, I cannot find my camera. My camera that I LOVE; my camera that I bought last December to replace my OTHER camera that I misplaced. There are two possible places that the camera can be - I had it with me at the office on Monday (and I know this because I took some pictures there that day) - or it is somewhere in my house. If I left it at the office on Monday, it is gone forever; I cleaned my desk pretty thoroughly on Thursday and I would have come across it if it were there. If I left it at work, someone (the cleaning crew?) is now the proud owner of a halfway decent camera with a memory card full of photos of my daughter.

More likely, the camera is somewhere in my house, and I just cannot find it. And the reason that I cannot find it is that this house is absolutely, horrifically, undeniably messy. And I am sick and tired of it.

I plan to fill out a change card tomorrow at the gym, with the declaration that I am going to get my house into some sort of "order." I need to get organized; I tend to be pretty organized in many other areas of my life, but for some reason the house has gone by the wayside. I find it extremely difficult to maintain a clean house with a three year old daughter, but at the same time it is very easy to use her as an excuse. When I clean up a room and then she follows me into that same room and messes it up, I throw my hands up and say "why do I bother?" Before long, I DON'T bother, and as a result, my house looks awful right now.

My brain is feeling a little overwhelmed and chaotic these days, and I am convinced that part of it is the chaos I am dealing with at home. And at the crux of it ALL - we have TOO MUCH DAMN STUFF. I am going to need to go through each and every room and just purge. Especially Amanda's toys. I am going to need to do this when she is not watching me, but the truth is the kid has more toys than ten children her age could ever possibly play with. Enough is enough.

I am the same way. I have too much "stuff," stuff that I never use but hold onto "just in case." As I read not too long ago in a magazine, if you hold onto something "just in case" you might need it again, you will never, ever get rid of anything. That is where I am at.

So, the overhaul of my life continues. I have worked hard in the past year in changing the physical me, and I have had good results. I am almost at my goal weight, I am in pretty good shape, I am training for another half marathon, and I feel healthier than ever before. I am trying to work on the mental-me, but that is pretty complicated and will require another post, another time. But if I can make a little bit more order out of the chaos around me, I think it is only going to help.

And, hopefully, I will find my camera in the process!