DESERVING
I have been trying to flat-out ignore the fact that BlogHer is going on right now, and I am not there. The fact that it keeps the attendance numbers limited, coupled with the fact that a month ago I was moved from the wait-list to "invited" status isn't making it very easy for me to ignore. I wish I was in Chicago right now, networking, meeting fabulous women I have been reading for the better of five years. What a great opportunity, missed.
But the truth is, I don't deserve to be there.
In fact, I am kind of surprised that BlogHer hasn't kicked me out yet. (If I am not mistaken you are supposed to update at minimum once a week and you are supposed to keep on subject 90% of the time. Lately I have done neither of these things!)
I have been SO BAD about keeping this blog current. I used to only go one or two days at the most in between posts, but now it is so incredibly easy for an entire month to go by before I even REALIZE that I haven't been writing. Shame on me.
I blame Facebook, at least partially. In a way, Facebook has taken over my online time. I used to spend my "down time" on the PC or laptop updating my blog and reading everyone else's. Now, I can't tell you the last time I read anyone's blog. A lot of the women I used to read are now my facebook friends, and so I "kind of" feel like I know what is going on with them because they update their fb status almost as frequently as I do (if not more - yes, it is true, there are some people out there that update their status more than I do!)
With the blog, sometimes when I didn't have a long, thoughtful post in me, I would do a quick, one-sentence drive-by post. Which is sort of the entire premise of the facebook status or the twitter "what are you doing right now?" update. Short, to the point, in-and-out. And, when life is busy, it is SO much easier to do a hit and run status update than a well versed post. Thus, guess what has been winning?
I also blame my current lifestyle. I am not going to lie and say that I am too busy to update my blog, because that is just not true. What is more accurate is that when I find myself with down time, I am choosing other activities to do besides blogging. I've been spending lots of time at the gym. This is a GOOD thing. I have also been trying to read books, something I don't do nearly enough but wish I did.
I guess in a way I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't need this blog as much as I used to. In the difficult years, this blog and those of you who read it were my therapy. And what amazing therapy it was - I truly believe I got more help and clarity keeping a free online blog than I ever would have received if I had hired the most reputable psychologist money could buy.
But things aren't as tough for me anymore. And I have other forms of therapy when I need to deal with "stuff" - most notably, running. When I am stressed out or need some time to really mull something over, a nice long run or an intense spinning class is exactly what helps. I guess I am just in a far different place than I was five years ago. (And, really, thank GOD for that).
I will, as always, try not to be so neglectful here. And, I hope to get back into the regular routine of reading the "old" blogs I used to read, as I miss many of you. Hopefully I will be reading and writing more regularly because it is something I want to do, as opposed to something I need to do.
And who knows, next year when BlogHer is in the Big Apple, perhaps I will be given an opportunity to attend again...and this time, I WILL be there.
But the truth is, I don't deserve to be there.
In fact, I am kind of surprised that BlogHer hasn't kicked me out yet. (If I am not mistaken you are supposed to update at minimum once a week and you are supposed to keep on subject 90% of the time. Lately I have done neither of these things!)
I have been SO BAD about keeping this blog current. I used to only go one or two days at the most in between posts, but now it is so incredibly easy for an entire month to go by before I even REALIZE that I haven't been writing. Shame on me.
I blame Facebook, at least partially. In a way, Facebook has taken over my online time. I used to spend my "down time" on the PC or laptop updating my blog and reading everyone else's. Now, I can't tell you the last time I read anyone's blog. A lot of the women I used to read are now my facebook friends, and so I "kind of" feel like I know what is going on with them because they update their fb status almost as frequently as I do (if not more - yes, it is true, there are some people out there that update their status more than I do!)
With the blog, sometimes when I didn't have a long, thoughtful post in me, I would do a quick, one-sentence drive-by post. Which is sort of the entire premise of the facebook status or the twitter "what are you doing right now?" update. Short, to the point, in-and-out. And, when life is busy, it is SO much easier to do a hit and run status update than a well versed post. Thus, guess what has been winning?
I also blame my current lifestyle. I am not going to lie and say that I am too busy to update my blog, because that is just not true. What is more accurate is that when I find myself with down time, I am choosing other activities to do besides blogging. I've been spending lots of time at the gym. This is a GOOD thing. I have also been trying to read books, something I don't do nearly enough but wish I did.
I guess in a way I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't need this blog as much as I used to. In the difficult years, this blog and those of you who read it were my therapy. And what amazing therapy it was - I truly believe I got more help and clarity keeping a free online blog than I ever would have received if I had hired the most reputable psychologist money could buy.
But things aren't as tough for me anymore. And I have other forms of therapy when I need to deal with "stuff" - most notably, running. When I am stressed out or need some time to really mull something over, a nice long run or an intense spinning class is exactly what helps. I guess I am just in a far different place than I was five years ago. (And, really, thank GOD for that).
I will, as always, try not to be so neglectful here. And, I hope to get back into the regular routine of reading the "old" blogs I used to read, as I miss many of you. Hopefully I will be reading and writing more regularly because it is something I want to do, as opposed to something I need to do.
And who knows, next year when BlogHer is in the Big Apple, perhaps I will be given an opportunity to attend again...and this time, I WILL be there.
