Sunday, August 16, 2009


Ask anyone, ANYONE, who knows me well. Ask my sisters, who have known me longer than anyone. Ask my friends from high school. Ask my college friends. (Jill, feel free to chime in). The weirdest, craziest shit happens to me. It really does.

Today was no exception. I had a bizarre day. I will spare you the gory details.

I won't go on and on about how I sat in my car on a two mile stretch of road today for almost two and a half hours.

I won't get into how I was nearly arrested by a state trooper (I think he was a state trooper?) for trying to ask a question.

I won't even try to explain how I then got my car stuck on a bunch of rocks and couldn't move it forward or backward for a minute.

I won't tell you why I ended up illegally peeing in a campground ladies' room mere seconds before it closed for the afternoon.

...unless of course, you really want to hear about all of that stuff.

What I WILL tell you about is what happened to me AFTER I finally got to the beach. Because, as I think I have mentioned before, this shit only happens to ME.

I've enjoyed most of my beach days this summer in the water. Swimming, riding the waves, playing with Amanda...I've logged many many ocean hours this summer. I was planning on some more water time today, since it was in the 90's and also since it took me almost three and a half hours to actually GET to this beach today. I needed to cool off...badly.

I finally made it down to the water's edge, and the waves were HUGE. They were crashing to the shore pretty powerfully, and with some nice speed. The rest of the troops were already in waist-deep, but I was taking my time gingerly tip-toeing in. I got into the water up to just above my knees, and saw a big wave coming towards me. I was going to jump head first into it so that I could get wet and cool off, but the wave came too quickly and crashed into me. It was at this point that I yelled out in pain.

When the wave crashed in, it carried something with it that smacked into my shin - HARD. It felt like my shin was smashed with a rock. As I called out in pain I looked down, just in time to see a foot-long fish ricochet off of my leg and swim frantically back towards the ocean, against the tide.

At which point I FREAKED the fuck out.

I ran out of the water like a maniac. I just kept saying over and over, very loudly, "I am DONE...I am SO DONE!" I must have looked like a giant asshole.

I mean - SERIOUSLY! Who the fuck goes to the beach, goes into the water up to their knees and gets hit with a FUCKING FISH?

I will tell you who does. I do!

Because these things only happen to me.

Oh, and by the way - my shin STILL hurts, and I think I have a bruise. A FISH BRUISE!

Just another day in the life of Dawn.